Friday, January 30, 2009
I got to thinkin'
So I got to a thinkin' today, (after I finished feeding the stupid office cat) do you think we will ever switch people food to something like cat food? Not like in taste or anything like that. I mean like in the movies. Any movie that takes place in the future humanity has switched to a simple unitary style of food. Like some goop that has little flavor but the perfect amount of calories, fats, sugars, and carbs (etc) that you'd need for the day. Maybe breakfast will be orange colored, lunch will be blue, and dinner will be green. I hope that day never comes because I doubt Doritos would survive the cut. Sad future.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Talking Cats
When I was a kid I always wanted my cats to talk to me. Especially that cat whose ear I cut off; I would love to apologize to him/her. As a kid I thought this would have been a great idea because it would be like having a friend at the house all the time. Say for instance that Cody or Greg couldn't have come over to play, no troubles, I'd just have grabbed Marshmallow and the good times would've kept a rollin'. As I've gotten older though (and a little heavier), a certain very important question dawned on me; If a cat could talk to me what would we talk about? What does a cat do that I could find common ground with? Really! They just wonder around the house with no direction. Cryin' in the shower! stupid cats are afraid of the outside. Honestly, I imagine cats would be pretty poor conversationalists. I would want to talk about girls (Zooey Deschanel) 
and music (also Zooey Deschanel) 
and things in the world about and what would a dumb cat say in response? Nothing interesting, that's fo' sho' He would probably ignore everything I say and tell me about his urinary tract infection or about something he smelled all around the house that day. The only thing we would have in common would be sleep, but I imagine that subject would get old real quick. Talking cats = stupid idea.
and music (also Zooey Deschanel) 
and things in the world about and what would a dumb cat say in response? Nothing interesting, that's fo' sho' He would probably ignore everything I say and tell me about his urinary tract infection or about something he smelled all around the house that day. The only thing we would have in common would be sleep, but I imagine that subject would get old real quick. Talking cats = stupid idea.Sunday, January 4, 2009
Omens and Wonders!
This story, however unlikely, is true. I tell it not to dampen anybodies day but because by telling it I may save some poor soul from some ill fortune.
Just the other day, not but a fortnight ago, I was at the office tending to my regular duties. All was well; there was not a lot of emails, the website was updated, and their were no rushes on any letters that presently distracted me greatly from life thoughts. Thus, whilst I busied myself with what was otherwise just normal lazy office work my mind was free to take in the environment around me and its effects upon me; like for instance my feet. At the time my feet were properly under my desk and out of my direct sight but not out of my mind. Directly, I noticed that my right shoe felt a little loose. "Odd" I thought, "the darn thing must have come undone." While I pondered upon how exactly a lace could undo what was done I became distinctly aware that my left shoe felt loose like unto the right shoe. (In fact upon later examination I would come to find that the lace upon my left shoe had also undone itself from what I that morning had thought was an otherwise unloosenable knot.) I hesitated. What were the possibilities that both shoe laces could undo at the exact same time? "Omens and Wonders!" I pronounced. Not daring to fully realize this event I tried to busy myself once more with work, but like I said previously, the magnitude of my work was not sufficient enough to distract my mind from these life thoughts. I thought once more upon shoes. I had to see for myself. I looked. Aghast I was at the seen below. Both pair of laces lay prostrate upon my plastic chair mat, powerless to hold my shoes to my feet. I am sure that not many a reader will accuse me of truckle behavior when I say that I let out a small yelp at such a dark omen as this. My mind reared and all thought except those untied shoes below possessed me. I thought upon what previous actions of mine had led to my awful state. I rushed for answers. Something for a bit of direction. "Perhaps a 15% percent tip is longer adequate to meet the financial needs of my various waiters" I whispered. I was surmising; which I might tell you is a dangerous thing to do when presented with this situation. There was scanty evidence to support such a theory, but no the less and in a shilly-shally manner I made up my mind to tip 16% from that day henceforth.
I'm not sure if the conclusion I rushed to that day was the right one or not, and perhaps perchance this story has not seen its end, but ever since that fateful day I have nary tipped under 16% and always gave a warm heartfelt smile to my waiter (with plenty of direct eye contact I will add) and my laces have stayed properly tied as they ought to.
Just the other day, not but a fortnight ago, I was at the office tending to my regular duties. All was well; there was not a lot of emails, the website was updated, and their were no rushes on any letters that presently distracted me greatly from life thoughts. Thus, whilst I busied myself with what was otherwise just normal lazy office work my mind was free to take in the environment around me and its effects upon me; like for instance my feet. At the time my feet were properly under my desk and out of my direct sight but not out of my mind. Directly, I noticed that my right shoe felt a little loose. "Odd" I thought, "the darn thing must have come undone." While I pondered upon how exactly a lace could undo what was done I became distinctly aware that my left shoe felt loose like unto the right shoe. (In fact upon later examination I would come to find that the lace upon my left shoe had also undone itself from what I that morning had thought was an otherwise unloosenable knot.) I hesitated. What were the possibilities that both shoe laces could undo at the exact same time? "Omens and Wonders!" I pronounced. Not daring to fully realize this event I tried to busy myself once more with work, but like I said previously, the magnitude of my work was not sufficient enough to distract my mind from these life thoughts. I thought once more upon shoes. I had to see for myself. I looked. Aghast I was at the seen below. Both pair of laces lay prostrate upon my plastic chair mat, powerless to hold my shoes to my feet. I am sure that not many a reader will accuse me of truckle behavior when I say that I let out a small yelp at such a dark omen as this. My mind reared and all thought except those untied shoes below possessed me. I thought upon what previous actions of mine had led to my awful state. I rushed for answers. Something for a bit of direction. "Perhaps a 15% percent tip is longer adequate to meet the financial needs of my various waiters" I whispered. I was surmising; which I might tell you is a dangerous thing to do when presented with this situation. There was scanty evidence to support such a theory, but no the less and in a shilly-shally manner I made up my mind to tip 16% from that day henceforth.
I'm not sure if the conclusion I rushed to that day was the right one or not, and perhaps perchance this story has not seen its end, but ever since that fateful day I have nary tipped under 16% and always gave a warm heartfelt smile to my waiter (with plenty of direct eye contact I will add) and my laces have stayed properly tied as they ought to.
Friday, January 2, 2009
I'm starting to think...
I'm starting to think that Courtney just says things to get on my good side. Like the name of my blog spot here. I asked her, "How about The Daily Zak?" and her answer was instantaneous. No thought. Just answered! Dumb. She is trying to embarass me. Great. Dumb.
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