Attack animal!

On a date the other night, I relayed a dream to my date that I had the day before. In this dream I dreamt a lion came through my bedroom door and attacked me. But! I fought back. In fact, though I was mortally wounded I managed to kill the lion. With my bare hands I did. Later, I proposed a question to a group of friends which was, "Do you think that I could go toe to toe with lion?" The answer was unequivocally no. Now I believe, however, I could, even after watching The Ghost and The Darkness. It's all that mane. It just gives too much to grab onto for leverage.

So! That got me to thinking, "Zak, given your ability to go manhandle a lion, what other animals could you beat up?" Well here you go.

Grizzly Bear
Ursus arctos horribilis
Weight: 290–440 lb
Signature Move: Paw swipe
Countermove: The grizzly-bear-headlock

A grizzly bear, though fond of picking berries and salmon catching, is hard to front on and they don't back down easily. When confronted with an opponent they employ a vigilant paw swipe mingled with harsh aggregation. Though they often respond to humor, the most effective move is the grizzly-bear-headlock. Patience is always required when confronting the grizz.

Hippopotamus
Hippopotamus amphibius
Weight: 1.5 to 3 tonnes
Signature Move: Basic Chomp
Countermove: The hippo-toss

The hippo, as it's called by those who fear it the most, is the number one killer in Africa though some have been known to keep them as pets. Territorial, grumpy, and notoriously hungry by nature, the hippo will defend their ground by tooth and belly, viciously using the classic but basic chomp for attacks. Your best bet for defeating this large fellow is disengaging their mouth from the fight and

utilizing the hippo-toss.

Moose
Alces Alces
Weight: 400-800 lb
Signature Move: Ultimate-antler-punch (aka the whop!)
Countermove: The bum-bump

The moose, or eurasian elk, is known most for having a a killer goatee, a very temperamental attitude, and a sovereign demeanor. Moose, being easily annoyed and easily provoked to a fight, find their greatest weakness in those traits. They're not thinkers and often only focus on what their eyes can see. As such, to avoid the noid (their antlers), one merely has to approach stealthily from behind and make use of the bum-bump. This move, though simple in concept, requires precision and focus and will allow for a succession of wrangling moves to final domineer...ence.

Woolly Mammoth
Mammuthus Primigenius
Weight: Tonnes indeed
Signature Move: Tusk melee 
Countermove: The trunk-punch

The woolly mammoth, the bane of northernly-time-travels abroad, with their famous lush coat and infamous curved tusks have struck fear and delight into the heart of many a Grag and Og. Thought to be indelible daydreams and soft-eyed, many foes have met their end twinkle-toeing about with flash and pomp. Their 15 foot tusks necessitate close combat, and what is needed most when confronting the woolly is a long series of strong stout punches. Firm footing and a strong core will do more than pageantry.

And that's about it I guess.