When I was a kid I always wanted my cats to talk to me. Especially that cat whose ear I cut off; I would love to apologize to him/her. As a kid I thought this would have been a great idea because it would be like having a friend at the house all the time. Say for instance that Cody or Greg couldn't have come over to play, no troubles, I'd just have grabbed Marshmallow and the good times would've kept a rollin'. As I've gotten older though (and a little heavier), a certain very important question dawned on me; If a cat could talk to me what would we talk about? What does a cat do that I could find common ground with? Really! They just wonder around the house with no direction. Cryin' in the shower! stupid cats are afraid of the outside. Honestly, I imagine cats would be pretty poor conversationalists. I would want to talk about girls (Zooey Deschanel) 
and music (also Zooey Deschanel) 
and things in the world about and what would a dumb cat say in response? Nothing interesting, that's fo' sho' He would probably ignore everything I say and tell me about his urinary tract infection or about something he smelled all around the house that day. The only thing we would have in common would be sleep, but I imagine that subject would get old real quick. Talking cats = stupid idea.
and music (also Zooey Deschanel) 
and things in the world about and what would a dumb cat say in response? Nothing interesting, that's fo' sho' He would probably ignore everything I say and tell me about his urinary tract infection or about something he smelled all around the house that day. The only thing we would have in common would be sleep, but I imagine that subject would get old real quick. Talking cats = stupid idea.
Are you forgetting? You already have a cat that talks. Be it in machine gun like bursts.
ReplyDeleteKyle: "Frank!!!"
Frank: "Ehh-Ehh-Ehh-Ehh-Ehh-Ehh."
Don't you forget-- Zooey and I have (almost) the same dress. You start dressing like M. Ward, and we are set for greatness.
Also- do you realize this is the exact same picture of Zooey? One is simply more enlarged than the other. Its a really good picture though. No harm done.
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh, I laughed my head off after reading this. Urinary tract infections would probably be riveting topics of conversation for cats. It's too bad I don't see more of you, dear Zak.
ReplyDeleteMy talking cat kinda wants to kick your ass now.
ReplyDeleteI'll have no part in that fight.
I think cats would have all kinds of good things to say! Think about it they're sneaky & could collect tons of gossip that you could use to blackmail others for lots of money!! The possibilities are endless.
ReplyDeleteLet me ask you a hypothetical Zak.
ReplyDeleteFor reasons that cannot be explained, cats can suddenly read at a 12th grade level. They can't talk and they can't write, but they can read silently and understand text. Many cats love this new skill, because they now have something to do all day while they lay around the house; however, a few cats become depressed, because reading forces them to realize the limitations of their existence (not to mention the utter frustration of being unable to express themselves).
This being the case, do you think the average cat would enjoy Garfield, or would cats find this cartoon to be an insulting caricature?