Captain Zachary Steele

Axes to battle with...

2011-04-23T17:59:00.000-07:00

Battle Axes.

I think about them sometimes. Oddly, during church most of the time. Let me clarify. Sometimes my mind will start to wander and wonder, and I imagine myself running at a full sprint with a battle axe over my head and then I just let it fly. Never at anything in particular, just slingin' battle axes. Try it sometimes.

I kind of wish that one of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles carried a battle axe. Probably Raphael. His sais I always thought were kind of useless.

Battle Axes.

So get this...

2009-07-05T19:30:00.000-07:00

So get this:

I was born with one less tooth than most people.
I have hammer toes and they really seem to creep people out.
I love circus peanuts which also seems to creep people out.
I hate New Jersey.

That's about it.

I love you all!!!

2009-04-07T12:58:00.000-07:00

I love you all! Yes, even you! I just wanted to say that. It's been awhile since I blogged so I thought I'd drop you a line. Keep it real. New post a comin' a soon.

Ah crap!

2009-02-24T22:03:00.000-08:00

Thanks to Pickle-- here is my offer and request to you. Heaven help me.

Lucky you! The first five people to respond to this post will get something made by me! My choice. For you. This offer does have some restrictions and limitations:

1. I make no guarantees that you will like what I make!
2. What I create will be just for you.
3. It'll be done this year. {might be a little while}
4. You will have no clue what it's going to be. It may be a story. It may be poetry or maybe even some creation I haven't even invented yet (but Heaven knows it will most likely be totally fabulous and creative... :). I may draw or paint something. I may bake you something and mail it to you. Who knows? Not you, that's for sure!
5. I reserve the right to do something extremely strange.

The catch? Oh, the catch is that you must re-post this on your blog and offer the same to the first 5 people who do the same on your blog. The first 5 people to do so and leave a comment telling me they did win a FAB-U-LOUS homemade gift by me!

* *Oh, and be sure to post a picture of what you win when you get it!* *

Music & Bees

2009-02-16T00:32:00.000-08:00

So some friends and I were at Applebee's the other day and we had a delightful conversation about music. The topic was then and is now, if you had to refer only one album for any given artist or group what would that album be. Let's proceed!

Radiohead - OK Computer
Led Zeppelin - III
Pink Floyd - Wish You Were Here
Coheed & Cambria - Good Apollo, I'm Burning Star IV
The Mars Volta - Frances the Mute
Primus - Sailing the Seas of Cheese
Muse - Absolution
Ryan Adams - Easy Tiger
Sufjan Stevens - Come On, Feel the Illinois
David Bowie - The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars
Stone Temple Pilots - Core
Rage Against the Machine - Evil Empire
Weezer - Blue Album
Miles Davis - Kind of Blue
Dave Brubeck - Time Out
Vince Guaraldi - Jazz Impressions of Black Orpheus
Otis Redding - Pain in My Heart
Coldplay - Parachutes
Tripping Daisy - I Am An Elastic Firecracker
Pearl Jam - Ten
John Mayer - Continuum
Beck - Guero
Incubus - Morning View
Nick Drake - Pink Moon
The Beatles - White Album
G. Love & the Special Sauce - G. Love & the Special Sauce
Wilco - A Ghost Is Born
Toadies - Rubberneck
M. Ward - Post War
Don Williams - I Believe In You
Damien Rice - O
Audioslave - Audioslave
Depeche Mode - Ultra
The Cardigans - First Band on the Moon
Death Cab for Cutie - Transatlantism
John Coltrane - A Love Supreme
Michael Jackson - Off the Wall
The Flaming Lips - At War with the Mystics

That's it for now...

Always taking...

2009-02-13T17:36:00.000-08:00

So there is a saying about me amongst my group of friends, and it goes a little something like this, "Always taking, always breaking, never giving back!" Normally I would deny such an accusation but today I am coming clean. In fact I have embraced this, my calling in life, which led me to appropriately nickname myself - something most people would frown upon but with the accurateness of the name most agree to it - Calamity Zak.
The following is a list of things that I have broken, messed up, or guided to a misfortune.

The blinds at the old Thomas house.
The light fixture in the basement of the old Thomas house.
The entire swing set at the Thomas house; though I was only one of many that helped in that process.
A picture frame at the old Thomas house. (So far I haven't broken anything at the new Thomas house. Though I did spill pop on the couch after Norm warned me that I would.)
Blake's Hobot book; ripped in half.
Joe's entire Han Solo trilogy bit the dust.
I have had in my possession Pickle's 3rd season of Arrested Development for about 2 years now.
I had Ali's August Rush for a year and didn't watch it once.
I once rented a movie on Blake's Hollywood account and never returned it thus charging his account $50. (It's ok, he broke two of my golf clubs.)
Pickle's sunroof. (Actually I still deny that one but she is still adamant that I did break it.)
An external drive at work.
My own heart - Ahhhh that is so gay.
The clutch on my mom's Escort.
Mark's Impala
Mark's Intrepid
A nice mattress. Norm probably didn't help by parking his van on it.
4 low E strings on my bass in a row, which is not an easy thing to do. I'm still baffled.
Bryce's Huffy. Blake helped with that one.
Bryce's CD player. Left it on the roof of my car.
A light fixture at Granger Elementary. I have a scar to prove that I paid for that one.
I once drained the transmission fluid on my car thinking it was the oil.
Two door handles on my car.
My iPod. I think that was just fate.
And I once cut off the wrong end of a door I was trying to shorten. Now there is a two inch gap at the top of door.

At the moment I can't think of anything else that I have broken or "done wrong" but I'm sure many of you who read this can and will probably bring it to my attention and that is a-ok. Maybe I'll add it unto the list. Just don't be to mean about because in my fragile state I couldn't handle the rudeness.

I got to thinkin'

2009-01-30T08:51:00.001-08:00

So I got to a thinkin' today, (after I finished feeding the stupid office cat) do you think we will ever switch people food to something like cat food? Not like in taste or anything like that. I mean like in the movies. Any movie that takes place in the future humanity has switched to a simple unitary style of food. Like some goop that has little flavor but the perfect amount of calories, fats, sugars, and carbs (etc) that you'd need for the day. Maybe breakfast will be orange colored, lunch will be blue, and dinner will be green. I hope that day never comes because I doubt Doritos would survive the cut. Sad future.

Talking Cats

2009-01-10T11:39:00.001-08:00

When I was a kid I always wanted my cats to talk to me. Especially that cat whose ear I cut off; I would love to apologize to him/her. As a kid I thought this would have been a great idea because it would be like having a friend at the house all the time. Say for instance that Cody or Greg couldn't have come over to play, no troubles, I'd just have grabbed Marshmallow and the good times would've kept a rollin'. As I've gotten older though (and a little heavier), a certain very important question dawned on me; If a cat could talk to me what would we talk about? What does a cat do that I could find common ground with? Really! They just wonder around the house with no direction. Cryin' in the shower! stupid cats are afraid of the outside. Honestly, I imagine cats would be pretty poor conversationalists. I would want to talk about girls (Zooey Deschanel) and music (also Zooey Deschanel) and things in the world about and what would a dumb cat say in response? Nothing interesting, that's fo' sho' He would probably ignore everything I say and tell me about his urinary tract infection or about something he smelled all around the house that day. The only thing we would have in common would be sleep, but I imagine that subject would get old real quick. Talking cats = stupid idea.

Omens and Wonders!

2009-01-04T15:43:00.001-08:00

This story, however unlikely, is true. I tell it not to dampen anybodies day but because by telling it I may save some poor soul from some ill fortune.

Just the other day, not but a fortnight ago, I was at the office tending to my regular duties. All was well; there was not a lot of emails, the website was updated, and their were no rushes on any letters that presently distracted me greatly from life thoughts. Thus, whilst I busied myself with what was otherwise just normal lazy office work my mind was free to take in the environment around me and its effects upon me; like for instance my feet. At the time my feet were properly under my desk and out of my direct sight but not out of my mind. Directly, I noticed that my right shoe felt a little loose. "Odd" I thought, "the darn thing must have come undone." While I pondered upon how exactly a lace could undo what was done I became distinctly aware that my left shoe felt loose like unto the right shoe. (In fact upon later examination I would come to find that the lace upon my left shoe had also undone itself from what I that morning had thought was an otherwise unloosenable knot.) I hesitated. What were the possibilities that both shoe laces could undo at the exact same time? "Omens and Wonders!" I pronounced. Not daring to fully realize this event I tried to busy myself once more with work, but like I said previously, the magnitude of my work was not sufficient enough to distract my mind from these life thoughts. I thought once more upon shoes. I had to see for myself. I looked. Aghast I was at the seen below. Both pair of laces lay prostrate upon my plastic chair mat, powerless to hold my shoes to my feet. I am sure that not many a reader will accuse me of truckle behavior when I say that I let out a small yelp at such a dark omen as this. My mind reared and all thought except those untied shoes below possessed me. I thought upon what previous actions of mine had led to my awful state. I rushed for answers. Something for a bit of direction. "Perhaps a 15% percent tip is longer adequate to meet the financial needs of my various waiters" I whispered. I was surmising; which I might tell you is a dangerous thing to do when presented with this situation. There was scanty evidence to support such a theory, but no the less and in a shilly-shally manner I made up my mind to tip 16% from that day henceforth.

I'm not sure if the conclusion I rushed to that day was the right one or not, and perhaps perchance this story has not seen its end, but ever since that fateful day I have nary tipped under 16% and always gave a warm heartfelt smile to my waiter (with plenty of direct eye contact I will add) and my laces have stayed properly tied as they ought to.

I'm starting to think...

2009-01-02T21:13:00.000-08:00

I'm starting to think that Courtney just says things to get on my good side. Like the name of my blog spot here. I asked her, "How about The Daily Zak?" and her answer was instantaneous. No thought. Just answered! Dumb. She is trying to embarass me. Great. Dumb.